Amyelia

At the moment I’m a little aimless as I sit around waiting for James to come home. I suppose I could start working on my Lead Work Teams report, or any number of other assignments I have, but it’s cold and that alone tends to make me feel lethargic and unmotivated to do anything constructive. Although I find myself here filling this empty space with senseless ramblings. I never said I actually made any sense.

So the days are counting down and the excitement is building up. Regardless of what else is getting me through these depressing winter days and even more depressing school days, the fact remains that there is a light at the end of my tunnel and his name is James. I hold onto that thought for dear life because, honestly, it’s the only thing that really keeps me sane. Yes, it might be crazy of me, but I haven’t been in the physical presence of my significant other for four months, so I think I’m entitled to it!

I guess I could read a book. I’ve added one more to the current list I’m reading at the moment – Sojourn, which is part of the Legend of Drizzt series written by R.A Salvatore, another writer James introduced me to. I love having a boyfriend who can recommend books for me to read! I was always so disparately lost when it came to knowing what to read. It always baffled me that people used to ask me for advice on reading material. I don’t think they realised that I just went by a system of trial and error, and oh how many errors I made. Back then I don’t think I read much sci-fi/fantasy stuff. I was more into autobiographies, biographies and ethnic/cultural fiction novels. I remember reading a lot of Amy Tan. Whether or not it’s because I have a bit of Chinese in me, and thought I could relate, or because I found her writing fascinating I can no longer distinguish. I blame the aZn pRyDe friends I used to have back in highschool who started reading novels and autobiographies written by Chinese-American or Japanese-American writers because it was cool to have people from Asian descent writing best-selling novels and they felt like it would enrich their aZn-ness if they filled their minds with the experiences of other Asians. Who really knows. I don’t care to.

And to update about my belly button. I poured my sea salt solution over it while I was in the shower and it seems to have reduced the swelling quite significantly. It’s still a bit sore and tender, but everything seems to be going well. And today’s only the first day. Hopefully a few more days, or maybe a week, of the salt water treatment will heal it up in no time. I really should take care of it better, but I thought after all this time I could be a little more lax. I guess I was wrong. At least I don’t have the slightest urge or intention to pierce my tongue or girly-bits. Infection in those two areas would be more than I could handle, I imagine.  

Recently, I’ve had the thought in my head that I’m limiting myself by basically living my life like a recluse. I think that once James is here and we’re settled in our own place I need to work on getting out more. Why? I know that I’m quite an infamous anti-socialite, but I think that it’s in the best interest of my future that I try to “mingle” more. Sometimes I think about the lack of experience I’ve had, especially in work, and wonder what is to become of me. I know we should “seize the day” and not worry too much about a future that may never come, but it gets ever so much harder to do that. When I was younger I had such high aspirations for myself and now that I’m a little older I realise that time passes by a lot quicker than it did when I was a teenager and the window of opportunity gets smaller and smaller everyday. I just want to be happy, but I want to feel like I’ve achieved something in life – in my relationships, my work, my hopes and dreams. Perhaps it’s just the dreariness cast over everything by the arrival of true winter, but I can’t help but feel helpless sometimes. Sometimes you just feel like the potential everyone says you have will just stay potential and never blossom into anything more. I just want to have a more positive focus because, I’m sure and I truly hope, I think that’s what will enable me to break out of this sluggish despair I’ve let myself linger in.

-Amyelia

It’s amazing. After having had my belly button pierced for almost four years now it’s beginning to get infected again. You’d think that after all this time it would have settled down, gotten used to the intruding piece of metal invading its space, but no. It refuses to live in harmony, even with surgical steel. Today I bought a packet of sea salt, since a solution composed of it and warm water is meant to be the ideal way to flush out infection and heal infected belly button piercings. I really hope it works – I don’t relish the thought of going to a doctor so they can make me take it out and lecture me about the dangers of piercing a piece of skin that will never be able to permanently deal with foreign objects. I also don’t want to have to face the pain of re-piercing again. 

Well, that’s the news for the day.

-Amyelia