Amyelia

As if I didn’t already have enough things to worry about, today my car finally carked it. It’s dead. Kaput. It’s not a battery-related problem because the lights, radio and other accessories work fine, but my car will not start. My brother says it’s a problem with the engine. He also said that, somehow, the engine has been flooded with oil. I don’t know how that happened but, then again, I don’t know anything about the internal going-ons of a car. So now I am left with a dilemma. My car is my lifeblood – it gets me to school, it lets me run my errands and, the obvious, it lets me have a life. I rely on it way too much for this to be happening. I emailed my dad about it, so I’m just waiting to see what he says. He’ll probably be mad. But I seriously don’t know what I could have done for this to happen! It’s probably karma for bumping into that car…and people wonder why I hate my life. I’m continually going through things that justify the feeling! I certainly have no money to fix the problem on my own…God, and this couldn’t have happened at a worse time. I only have one week of school left, but I have to attend everyday due to all the assessments my teachers have left to the last minute. I must also go to school the week after next to enrol. Why? Why? WHY?! I need to go to the clinic to get a medical certificate for being absent from school today. I seriously just want to dig a deep deep hole in the ground and bury myself in it.

-Amyelia

It looks like Melbourne’s winter this year is going to be quite the freeze. For the past two or three days it’s been raining. But that’s not the worst part. The biggest issue is that all that extra moisture is freezing up overnight due to the ever-plummeting temperature, leaving a layer of icy whiteness in the morning. I had trouble opening the door to my car this morning – it was sealed with a thick layer of frost. The vision through my windscreen is also a bit of an issue. This morning the rather foolish owner of a black car had parked right in front of my drive way. I live in a court or close which has a pretty narrow roadway. Now, with the lack of visibility due to the early morning darkness, and the layer of ice across my back window, I managed to back up a little too far and bumped into that unfortunate car. Luckily for me, and the driver I suppose, there was no damage done. My car is far too little and light for all that shenanigans. Being the extremely bad citizen, and coward, that I am I drove away without leaving a note. To be fair, I was already late in the pursuit of beating the early morning rush and there was no harm done. As compensation, I felt extremely guilty all day, and still do now, making it a little bit hard for me to concentrate on the test that I had today. I did okay on it and I know I passed the subject already anyway, so it didn’t really matter all that much.

Anyway, this series of recurring incidences, the cold, certain issues with my health and body, feeling neglected…it’s all starting to take a toll on me. To someone who can’t see what’s going on it all sounds like a lot of whining chit-chat. But everyone has their own problems, and they never think that anyone else’s is as big as they make it out to be. That is the nature of human beings. And this includes me. I will reiterate again – I hate my life.

-Amyelia

If my life was a lot less dramatic I think I would be a much happier person. For instance, I don’t need to feel like the world is about to end because I’m doing the work of six people and feel unable, nor do I need to be woken up in the morning, still tired and lacking at least another two hours sleep, to be greeted with the news that I’ve left my car keys in the ignition. Behind a locked door. I also don’t see why I should have to panic and stress about the fact that someone has taken, or stolen, my spare keys from the bunch of spare keys in my Dad’s wardrobe – which have vanished into non-existence. It should be where it is meant to be, because what business does anyone else have that they should be pocketing the keys to MY car? The only person who drives it is ME. Then there’s a whole lot of lesser, yet insistent, dramas. These include stressing out over being overweight, freaking out about my incessantly degenerating complexion, finding new and unsightly stretchmarks behind my calves, dreading all the work I have to hand in the next two weeks and…just life in general. I need to, as they say, take a chill pill. I seem so laid back about everything, but I think that those who know me well are aware of the fact that behind that cool facade I am constantly worrying and being a stresshead about everything. EVERYTHING. Even about what might happen five years into the future. I need a shrink. I need James to be here already!

-Amyelia