Musings
At the moment I’m a little aimless as I sit around waiting for James to come home. I suppose I could start working on my Lead Work Teams report, or any number of other assignments I have, but it’s cold and that alone tends to make me feel lethargic and unmotivated to do anything constructive. Although I find myself here filling this empty space with senseless ramblings. I never said I actually made any sense.
So the days are counting down and the excitement is building up. Regardless of what else is getting me through these depressing winter days and even more depressing school days, the fact remains that there is a light at the end of my tunnel and his name is James. I hold onto that thought for dear life because, honestly, it’s the only thing that really keeps me sane. Yes, it might be crazy of me, but I haven’t been in the physical presence of my significant other for four months, so I think I’m entitled to it!
I guess I could read a book. I’ve added one more to the current list I’m reading at the moment – Sojourn, which is part of the Legend of Drizzt series written by R.A Salvatore, another writer James introduced me to. I love having a boyfriend who can recommend books for me to read! I was always so disparately lost when it came to knowing what to read. It always baffled me that people used to ask me for advice on reading material. I don’t think they realised that I just went by a system of trial and error, and oh how many errors I made. Back then I don’t think I read much sci-fi/fantasy stuff. I was more into autobiographies, biographies and ethnic/cultural fiction novels. I remember reading a lot of Amy Tan. Whether or not it’s because I have a bit of Chinese in me, and thought I could relate, or because I found her writing fascinating I can no longer distinguish. I blame the aZn pRyDe friends I used to have back in highschool who started reading novels and autobiographies written by Chinese-American or Japanese-American writers because it was cool to have people from Asian descent writing best-selling novels and they felt like it would enrich their aZn-ness if they filled their minds with the experiences of other Asians. Who really knows. I don’t care to.
And to update about my belly button. I poured my sea salt solution over it while I was in the shower and it seems to have reduced the swelling quite significantly. It’s still a bit sore and tender, but everything seems to be going well. And today’s only the first day. Hopefully a few more days, or maybe a week, of the salt water treatment will heal it up in no time. I really should take care of it better, but I thought after all this time I could be a little more lax. I guess I was wrong. At least I don’t have the slightest urge or intention to pierce my tongue or girly-bits. Infection in those two areas would be more than I could handle, I imagine.
Recently, I’ve had the thought in my head that I’m limiting myself by basically living my life like a recluse. I think that once James is here and we’re settled in our own place I need to work on getting out more. Why? I know that I’m quite an infamous anti-socialite, but I think that it’s in the best interest of my future that I try to “mingle” more. Sometimes I think about the lack of experience I’ve had, especially in work, and wonder what is to become of me. I know we should “seize the day” and not worry too much about a future that may never come, but it gets ever so much harder to do that. When I was younger I had such high aspirations for myself and now that I’m a little older I realise that time passes by a lot quicker than it did when I was a teenager and the window of opportunity gets smaller and smaller everyday. I just want to be happy, but I want to feel like I’ve achieved something in life – in my relationships, my work, my hopes and dreams. Perhaps it’s just the dreariness cast over everything by the arrival of true winter, but I can’t help but feel helpless sometimes. Sometimes you just feel like the potential everyone says you have will just stay potential and never blossom into anything more. I just want to have a more positive focus because, I’m sure and I truly hope, I think that’s what will enable me to break out of this sluggish despair I’ve let myself linger in.
-Amyelia
Get into my belly!
It’s amazing. After having had my belly button pierced for almost four years now it’s beginning to get infected again. You’d think that after all this time it would have settled down, gotten used to the intruding piece of metal invading its space, but no. It refuses to live in harmony, even with surgical steel. Today I bought a packet of sea salt, since a solution composed of it and warm water is meant to be the ideal way to flush out infection and heal infected belly button piercings. I really hope it works – I don’t relish the thought of going to a doctor so they can make me take it out and lecture me about the dangers of piercing a piece of skin that will never be able to permanently deal with foreign objects. I also don’t want to have to face the pain of re-piercing again.
Well, that’s the news for the day.
-Amyelia
Randomness
It’s almost the end of the semester and I really hope to God that I will receive my certificate and accreditation without a hitch. Well, not too much of one anyway. So, about that waste-of-time-subject that I’ve been dreading failing, a few of my classmates and I spoke to our co-ordinator about it and she said she’ll have a word. I honestly think it’s unfair for us to be penalised due to our lack of attendance. Especially when the teacher always comes late, leaves early, doesn’t really teach us anything and seems like she’s just basically there to take the roll and then skedaddle. One of our assessments is, apparently, a test and yet we haven’t done much theory, or much of anything really, in class. To be fair, I’ve only attended two out of five classes but from what I’ve heard I haven’t actually missed out on much besides her bitching about the lack of attendance. I’ll be attending the rest of these Friday morning train wrecks until the semester’s up anyhow, just to appease a person who isn’t really worth appeasing.
Onto other news, I need to point out something I hate. I hate when someone is talking, in front of and to me, how attractive/beautiful/lovely they think asian girls are because their features are so nice (or whatever) but they obviously are not including me in that generalisation. Honestly, most of the time I ignore that kind of thing because I already know that I am not your stereotypical cute, petite, delicate china doll, but sometimes it just gets to me, especially when it’s happening right in front of my face. There are times when I even attempt to at least meet some of the criteria that will make me appear to be one of these china dolls, but deep inside I know it’s futile and that the only shot I have is to make the best of what I’ve got in a style befitting me.
It’s really embarrassing being my age and still worrying about this kind of stuff. I should be past the point of being insecure about my image; after all I am with someone who thinks I’m attractive and, most importantly, accepts me for who I am. So why do I senselessly put myself through this kind of stupid self-criticism? Who knows. There are many areas where I fail, but image is not something that is really my fault, I inherited what I have and there’s no way of escaping it short of surgery. So get over it!
Ugh. This is depressing. Moving on…
I’m currently reading three books at the same time, although all by the same author: Reaper Man, Light Fantastic and The Fifth Elephant by Terry Pratchett. Ever since I met James and he got me into Pratchett books I’ve quite thoroughly enjoyed them. I love how he’s always making parodies of popular culture; I appreciate that kind of humour being relentlessly sarcastic and having a bit of a skewed view of things. I’m waiting on George R.R Martin to finally announce the finished status and release of Dance with Dragons – the fifth book in his series called A Song of Ice and Fire – I’m dying to know what happens already. Waiting for a book is torture for a freakin’ nerdy bookworm like me!
Okay, enough for today!
-Amyelia
Rant rant rant
It’s only 24 more days until the end of the school semester. I am seriously relieved that I’ll be getting a real break soon. Coming back to a schedule reminscent of highschool attendance is not something you can get used to again, in my opinion. Especially since now my school is almost an hour away from my house, with traffic, and I have to drive myself there which means I actually have to concentrate more than I used to back in the teenaged days where I could just sit on the bus in a daze.
Only 26 days until James is finally here! It feels like forever since we’ve been together, so I am really looking forward to being together at last! But I must keep my excitement slightly at bay because right now I must concentrate on the fact that I still have a couple of school things to get out of the way before I can celebrate too much.
I’ve just painted my nails – it’s a much harder job than it should be, or maybe I’m just really bad at it. I cannot, for the life of me, paint between the lines. I don’t care anyway, I’m just testing out the new dark red and black nail polish I bought from this shop called Missha in Boxhill Centro the other day. It’s quite nice, although the effect is slightly spoiled by the trashy way I’ve painted it on. Ah well, if I don’t let anyone get too close to my nails they won’t be able to tell!
I need a haircut, possibly a new hair colour, some new eyeshadow colour and I also need to lose some pounds – I think I just need an entire image overhaul. I’ve been looking a bit drab and tired recently – not that I ever really look that fabulous, but I definitely have my shining periods and unfortunately, that hasn’t occured in a while. Sigh.
I’m just going to wait until this term is over, then I’ll get onto it. Then James will be here to motivate me to look beautiful! Haha. Sigh.
-Amyelia
Morning. The start of another terrible day.
Today has been a horrible day. Last night or, rather, this morning, I went to sleep at about 3:00am. I tried to, at least. But alas! Melbourne winter has turned my feet into two blocks of ice. I couldn’t get them warm no matter how I tried – I was even wearing James’ thick as Explorer socks! Thereby, I did not get a shred of decent shut eye.
However, it was imperative I attend school today. I’ve missed the last three consecutive days…
And true to form, of a person who did not sleep all night, I woke up thirty-five minutes late. I looked like hell, but it was all I could do to get myself dressed, made-up and out the door in twenty minutes. Later, I realised that I still looked like total shit. My hair was in a collapsed, greasy ponytail, my skin looked horrible (from days of bad sleeping patterns) and my make-up looked horrible because of my bad skin. But I honestly couldn’t be bothered. It’s only school, I’ve already got a boyfriend – who else is there to look pretty for when he’s not here? The teacher? The guys in my class? The other girls? Ahem. Hell…NO.
I got interviewed by one of the other groups today for that group Recruit and Select Personnel faux interview assignment I did last week with Mish and Sintu. I wish I could speak so confidently in a serious interview, but I guess I’m doomed to the nerves of a frightened mouse when it comes to the real thing. My Administer HR Systems teacher was being slanderous against my class working group today. Come on, do you really expect us to get the right answers all the time? What do we pay you for? To teach, or to get the answers from US?! God…really. It must be the tiredness, but the way she was acting today was just grating on my nerves like it doesn’t usually do. The most positive thing about today was getting back my test score – 30/34. Not 100%, but 88% is good enough for me. I’ve passed the class already so I don’t really care anymore, although I will try my best to get noteworthy marks in my next and final test for the class. If only to show off my prowess against all my other intelligent (I’m sure), yet poor-scoring, classmates. How sad am I…
Anyway, another day in the life of my very mundane existence. In other news, James has finally set a date for when he’ll be coming to Melbourne – July the 3rd at 6:10am in the morning! I’m not exactly a morning person but I’ll do it for my baby – ’cause I’ll be expecting a lot of loving compensation later, right? Right?!
Haha. Too much information. But I am totally excited. Totally. It almost feels like ants crawling down my skin…then again, maybe ants really ARE crawling down my skin. Buggers.
I’m delirious. I’m out.
-Amyelia
A good day for cancer research
So I’ve come to realise that both my boyfriend and my brother are obsessed with becoming guitar gods. I’m either hearing the strains of a Pumpkins’ song through my own amp, or the opening riff to Welcome Home (Sanitarium) through Skype, constantly. Fun times? Quite, actually. I think I’ll have to settle for the fact that I’m probably never going to reach the level of either James or Eman – but lucky me, I can still listen to them engage in their wankery!
Anyway, today we (Mish, Sintu, Aidan, David, Alex and, of course, me) finally went through with our Australia’s Biggest Morning Tea event. I’m not going to lie and say everything went perfectly and according to plan – just the opposite in fact. Three of us were running late, me included, and then we had a little trouble with where to set up and we were lacking a working extension cord for the urn and stereo. We were expecting to have limited sales really, considering our disorganised and dishevelled beginnings. However, it actually turned out alright in the end. We had a substantial number of very nice people donate and indulge in our offerings of jam-and-butter scones, tea, coffee and milo. At the end of our seemingly long hour of setting up shop, we packed up and counted our earnings. We had ninety-two dollars worth in gold coins alone! I think in total we made something like $150-160, which is a fair effort considering we didn’t even give out 150 scones, which was our initial plan, and didn’t even expect many people to turn up to our table. It’s nice to see so many people know how to support a good cause when they see one. Cancer isn’t something to take lightly – I, of all people, know that. I am always behind supporting the research for a cure for cancer because I’ve been affected by it personally. But actually, I’m glad that I’m not someone who has to run these kinds of things on a regular basis. I’d rather donate and participate than organise.
Well, I’m glad all went well despite everything. Time to write the report now!
-Amyelia
Done and done!
What a relief! Right now, I’ve gotten most of my big assignments out of the way, besides two – my Lead Work Teams group assignment and my Analyse and Present Research Information (a total waste-of-time subject, in my opinion) group research project. Tomorrow we will finally be hosting our morning tea event and then all there will be left to do is write up our report and present it to the class which, I hope, won’t be too difficult a task. Unfortunately, there’s one too many people in my team who are ever-willing to let other people pick up their slack, but right now I don’t care as long as we get this thing done and out of the way so we can focus on other assessments. And this Analyse and Present Research Information – oh my god, what is the point of a subject that consists of teaching you how to use the Internet and Library intranet to find resources and then referencing them?! Admittedly, some people have been out of loop with school systems and such for a while, but is it really imperative to have an ENTIRE subject on how to look up catalogues and how to write up a bibliography, and then having to do a substantially large, and somewhat difficult, written report to demonstrate what you’ve known how to do for years and could learn in a day? To add to that the teacher for that class wants to bitch about the lack of attendance. Lady, it’s a class at 8:30am on a Friday morning – did you really expect that that many people would show up? Shouldn’t this subject have started at the beginning of semester rather than in the middle? It would have helped a lot more if we learned how to reference when we still needed to do it – namely for assignments we had to hand in before this useless subject even began. Sigh. Oh well, I guess I’ve just got to grin and bear it for the moment. I can’t get my Certificate without passing even the stupidest of units. I really need a holiday. Luckily for me, and a lot of other happy TAFE students, there’s a long weekend coming up soon!
-Amyelia
How do you recruit, with no selection?
Tomorrow…or actually today, since it’s 12:13am in the morning as I type this entry, I have my Recruit and Select Personnel assignment to execute. It consists of conducting a faux interview session with three candidates. The type of job we chose to interview for was a medical receptionist. As always, this whole thing is very disorganised, perhaps due to the fact that we’ve had a lot of work due in a short space of time and most people, namely our interviewees, could care less that we have an assignment to get through since they’re not getting graded on it. I guess I don’t blame them – the work has really been piling on for the past three or four weeks, and even though I’ve already gotten the bulk of it out of the way, I know there are others who haven’t. We’ll just have to see how it goes tomorrow. If some of our interviewees are absent, then the whole thing will have to be postponed to another time.
-Amyelia
Service down the drain
Okay, so I made a mistake – it wasn’t Blizzard’s fault this time. It was, in fact, Telstra’s fault. Telstra being my ISP. For two whole days they had a node, connecting us to certain US-based servers, break down. And it only affected those using cable – the plan with the most expensive price tag! Anyway, it’s fixed for now. Hopefully they’ll keep it that way. Honestly, if they’re making us pay that kind of money for a service, they really should keep it up to scratch. Some standards need to be set here. There’s been too many stuff ups over the past couple of weeks and it’s getting old.
-Amyelia
WoW – not so wow
For the past three years I’ve been playing World of Warcraft (WoW) which, for those who don’t know, is the Massively Multiplayer Online Role-playing Game (MMORPG) derived from the very popular Warcraft computer strategy game series created by Blizzard. I’m continually finding doubts about why I’m still involved with this game. All I’ve experienced is grief, whether direct or indirect. My boyfriend’s account got banned for no good reason and they wouldn’t give him a straight explanation – and playing WoW is our means of doing something together since we’ve been so far apart for long periods of time. They have so many technical issues all the time, including bugged NPCs and severe realm-based lag, and right now I can’t even log on to my server. A game shouldn’t piss a person off this much. A game is meant to be fun, a form of enjoyment – not a chore. I think that after my current game card expires I might consider quitting altogether. I’ll just wait for Warhammer to come around instead! Because honestly, this kind of bullshit is not worth my time or money.
-Amyelia
